Why Love is Chaos

I’ve found my love life to always be in total chaos, ever since I got my first crush in the third grade.

I was always a little boy crazy but was restricted in acting on it because my mother had a “No Dating Until You’re 16” rule she tried to strictly uphold. Yet, by 15 and 1/2 when I got my first kiss and first boyfriend, it was as if my whole world exploded a bit and I was no longer on my content little carousel perusing the theme park of life but had now found myself flung into the seat of one of the 100-ft tall roller coasters with all the loops and drops that make your stomach a little queasy.

So what makes love chaos?

Jonathan Carroll as the answer: “Real love is always chaotic. You lose control; you lose perspective. You lose the ability to protect yourself. The greater the love, the greater the chaos.”

CHAOS. [key-0s] noun. 1. complete disorder and confusion. 2.the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.

 

They (whoever “they” are) say sex makes everything complicated. But I say, feelings make things complicated. And confusing (not that sex helps make things less complicated of course).

Remember when Perks of Being a Wallflower tore apart your whole life’s perspective when it went ahead and called you out on all your feelings?

 

source: tumblr.com
source: tumblr.com

 

I believe what makes love chaos is a mixture of all these things: vulnerability, emotions, and our own self-acceptance. I wrote an article about how men have a problem settling into maturity and commitment but to be honest, I find that I, myself stray as far away from commitment as possible.

I believe love is chaos because we want so badly to be in control of it and if there’s one thing as wild and uncontrollable in the universe: it’s love. It’s this lack of resistance to it’s power that drives us crazy and makes us feel as if our world is upside down or that we are indeed head over heels. What’s worse is there is no guarantee when it comes to love. You may become vulnerable with someone and they neglect to see the value in that vulnerability and in turn, you become heartbroken. There’s no guarantee when it comes to love, except for pain.

source: elitedaily.com
source: elitedaily.com

 

But most of all, love is chaos because we’re scared.

We’re scared of giving away a part of ourselves to another person and not being able to get it back. We are scared of the unknown: what if his or her plans change? What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not the person they think I am? What if I have too much baggage? All these “what if’s” always hold us back and create complete disorder and confusion in our love lives.

Of course there’s always layers to a situation that aren’t necessarily within our realm of control, our crushes being “wrong” in the eyes of society, our family, social structures, or simply being the ex of your best friend or brother/sister of one of your close friends. The complications are endless!

If most things can be explained scientifically, then why can’t we govern and control and rationalize our emotions in a more efficient way? This, I suppose, is the beginning to all the chaos.

 

source: collegetimes.com

 

So what can we do about it? First of all, it never comes to us when we expect it – so there’s no formula to having the perfect life and then finding love. Second of all, it never looks the way we expect it to look. All of my favorite relationships were with people I never expected to fall in love with.

Needless-to-say, there really isn’t a way to bring order to the chaos. I think at the end of the day, it comes down to loving and respecting yourself. We all accept the love we think we deserve. It’s okay if you don’t want to be in a committed relationship, just as it’s okay if you are ready to settle down into one.

 

We keep coming back to love because it’s exciting, it’s spectacular fun and the pleasure of love outweighs the pain of heartbreak.

 

Heartbreak or no heartbreak, love is always worth it. And once you embrace the chaos, you’ll find love isn’t so chaotic after all.

 

 

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Thoughts?

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